Hello I've been thinking about how some people are so judgemental now a these days. And I can't stand the fact some of my friends have been giving a negative attitude towards another just because they don't know her well enough. Well, I felt quite upset for her because I think she's truly wonderful.

Today, I went through all my old letters from the past 3 years to clear them out and I teared at a few and laughed at a few. How we've all changed. How the "I'm never going to let you go"s and the "I'll always make an effort to talk to you once we've changed classes" have come to naught. I mean not all, but a few and it's quite disappointing I guess but people come and people go don't they? I thank God for the few that's stayed by me and it must be Your gift that they're still here. The letters indeed brought back memories and I felt an unexpected yet familiar jolt of feeling as I read through a particular diary entry two years ago. It had scared me to have forgotten how much this particular person meant to me to a point that saying that I was upset was an understatement. I had shed alot of tears and torn alot of heartstrings for this person. We were close, more than close. It was something more than just a simple friendship, it was more than that. This someone meant more than my own happiness to me. When I almost lost her, it was as though I had lost half my world. It's peculiar now how we barely even talk, only sending a few random text messages but I know I'd still always be there for this particular person who nearly took up my whole heart.

Through the letters, I've also come to learn how people do make promises to break. And I've warned myself to never trust anyone completely anymore. I did however, but only to have it broken once again. Once bitten, twice shy. I've been bitten more than once and it hurts and for now, I'm taking precaution on what comes out of my mouth. I've still got my pride to keep. Happiness is but temporal. And so is hurt. It all comes and goes, it's only a matter of time where you learn to pick up the pieces and move on. Thing is, do you have the courage to? Broken friendships and relationships, do you have the courage to let them go? To go through nights of tears and hurt? To see the other party smile and not able to turn the corners of your mouth? It takes courage, and the will. Time will heal but the process would not be easy. I've seen myself letting go of once fierce and strong friendships and I'm still here. Strangers are friends you have yet to meet. The world is vast, open your heart.

On another note, I would never forget a quote from this book a friend once lent me. "Why let someone into your heart? Why endow them with the power to break it? Let someone in, and you're only asking for an emotional thrashing." How true. Whenever someone gets hurt, the blame to pushed to the other party. Have you ever asked yourself, who's fault is it really? Who was the one who let the other into your heart? Well, you were asking for it. Harsh as it may seem. This is reality, this is life. It ain't gonna be easy. Sure right now there are people there for you but how long are they gonna stay? A man's gotta learn to stand up for himself. "Give me a fish and I eat for a day, teach me to fish and I'll eat for a lifetime." Friendship can be so simple yet so complex. As always, there's more that meets the eye.

And as you've known, it takes two hands to clap and two to tango. Why try to make something work when you know the other hand doesn't want to budge? You're wasting your energy, time and tears. You shouldn't grasp onto something that isn't there anymore. Sometimes, I don't even get why I'm trying.

It's been long since I last felt like this, this overwheming sense of complexity. There's gotta be more to life. Night is falling, I'd better turn in. I'm sure it'll be alright tomorrow. Why aren't you always there when I need someone? I wish Evie was here. The promise to always be there, where has it gone to?

If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like mine. If it had a home, would it be my eyes. Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this, well here we go now one more time.

It's time I've reached the peak where I'm too numb for tears.
@ 11:41 PM